The Sports Wannabe

Little kids scare me… A lot. Individually, they are almost tolerable, but when looking out over a sea of elementary students I truly want to pop a cyanide pill.

Why?

Because they are all morons.

One could once notice a difference in the “grit” or “work ethic” of two age groups by comparing themselves to their grandparents. Now, one can see the difference when comparing high school students to middle schoolers.

This isn’t coming from a 80 year old who only wants to throw out words of wisdom as they cling to this earth. In fact, this opinion is from a 19 year old moron who is scared.

I do not care if high schoolers can find Iraq on a map (which, by the way I can, I just tried). Trust me, if your job really requires that, it will come up in the training and you can roll with it as if you knew. I am more concerned that they have no ability to distinguish between factual journalism and a sitcom. I am more concerned that none of them read the newspaper. I am more concerned that they will throw “facts” about global warming and the “war” in Iraq around when they have no idea what they mean.

Watching “An Inconvenient Truth” and accidently stumbling across Fox News while trying to find MTV Spring Break is not research. It is not being a meaningful citizen, or even meaningful human being. We are so self consumed with our own lives (lining up for days to get $50 off a laptop or becoming outraged over Ellen DeGeneres’ pet adoption exploits), that we are devolving (or despawning for those of you who don’t acknowledge evolution, or don’t know what it is) into animals. No excuse me, animals have better work ethic, we are just dumb asses.

You may say “we have created incredible technology!”. Well put your pink phone away and listen. “We” didn’t create or contribute to technology, a small small fraction of the population did. Then a marketing team talked us peons into giving them our credit card number, then we brought whatever it was back to the store we purchased it from and yelled at them because we are too damn stupid to use it.

Is this logic scattered? Yes. Is it completely true? Yes.

We have become what politicians want us to become, mindless drones who will repeat and buy into whatever they threaten us with:

“If we don’t fight them there then we will fight them here”

“Not approving universal health care is ignoring sick children”

“The bible was the word of the lord”

“We are going to smoke them out of their holes!”

Sound familiar? And you’ve probably even said a couple of those finely crafted lines while “debating” someone at a neighborhood barbecue while sipping a Mike’s Hard Lemonade . You used this to defend your point because you stopped thinking a long time ago.

So do us all a favor, when your kids sit down to eat at dinner, tell them to put the cell phones away, turn on the news (not anything on a fox or cnn network), and talk about what was just show during the commercial breaks. But don’t take it as the “word of the lord”, criticize it. Make your kids question everything. And while you are patting yourself on the back for living up to that “#1 Mom or Dad” mug, you may just realize you actually learned something.

Your kids will thank you later, and keep in mind, they will be choosing your retirement home.

Till next time I watch Fox News after a long day at work,

Samuel

Little kids scare me… A lot. Individually, they are almost tolerable, but when looking out over a sea of elementary students I truly want to pop a cyanide pill.

Why?

Because they are all morons.

One could once notice a difference in the “grit” or “work ethic” of two age groups by comparing themselves to their grandparents. Now, one can see the difference when comparing high school students to middle schoolers.

This isn’t coming from a 80 year old who only wants to throw out words of wisdom as they cling to this earth. In fact, this opinion is from a 19 year old moron who is scared.

I do not care if high schoolers can find Iraq on a map (which, by the way I can, I just tried). Trust me, if your job really requires that, it will come up in the training and you can roll with it as if you knew. I am more concerned that they have no ability to distinguish between factual journalism and a sitcom. I am more concerned that none of them read the newspaper. I am more concerned that they will throw “facts” about global warming and the “war” in Iraq around when they have no idea what they mean.

Watching “An Inconvenient Truth” and accidently stumbling across Fox News while trying to find MTV Spring Break is not research. It is not being a meaningful citizen, or even meaningful human being. We are so self consumed with our own lives (lining up for days to get $50 off a laptop or becoming outraged over Ellen DeGeneres’ pet adoption exploits), that we are devolving (or despawning for those of you who don’t acknowledge evolution, or don’t know what it is) into animals. No excuse me, animals have better work ethic, we are just dumb asses.

You may say “we have created incredible technology!”. Well put your pink phone away and listen. “We” didn’t create or contribute to technology, a small small fraction of the population did. Then a marketing team talked us peons into giving them our credit card number, then we brought whatever it was back to the store we purchased it from and yelled at them because we are too damn stupid to use it.

Is this logic scattered? Yes. Is it completely true? Yes.

We have become what politicians want us to become, mindless drones who will repeat and buy into whatever they threaten us with:

“If we don’t fight them there then we will fight them here”

“Not approving universal health care is ignoring sick children”

“The bible was the word of the lord”

“We are going to smoke them out of their holes!”

Sound familiar? And you’ve probably even said a couple of those finely crafted lines while “debating” someone at a neighborhood barbecue while sipping a Mike’s Hard Lemonade . You used this to defend your point because you stopped thinking a long time ago.

So do us all a favor, when your kids sit down to eat at dinner, tell them to put the cell phones away, turn on the news (not anything on a fox or cnn network), and talk about what was just show during the commercial breaks. But don’t take it as the “word of the lord”, criticize it. Make your kids question everything. And while you are patting yourself on the back for living up to that “#1 Mom or Dad” mug, you may just realize you actually learned something.

Your kids will thank you later, and keep in mind, they will be choosing your retirement home.

Till next time I watch Fox News after a long day at work,

Samuel

As I sit here, gazing out my window watching the first snow fall of the year and sipping hot cocoa, I’m reminded of what the holidays are really about: trying to get good gifts while not sounding like a d-bag for asking for them. Material things make the world go ’round and what better time to show you a few of my favorites for this holiday season. (Full disclosure, I do receive a portion of the sale if you click on the links below and make a purchase. This wasn’t my motivation for this post but I figured why not? If you like what you see so far from this blog support us! Thanks!)

DISABLE ADBLOCKERS TO SEE PICTURES BELOW 

Gifts under $25 (When a card would make you look like a cheapskate)

You really can’t go wrong with a book because it is like telling the recipient “I think you are intelligent enough that you may read on a regular basis… here is this large book I am confident you will finish”. Now, since that is probably expecting a lot from most relatives, giving them a book like Stephen Colbert’s latest release is a good call. Hilarious and to the point, Uncle Cletus might actually find a use for it other than a door stop.

I received a wallet a few years back and sort of shrugged but it was a surprisingly great gift. Unless the guy you are shopping for has a tried and true wallet he won’t let go, this is a perfect choice.

Gifts under $60 (A significant person in your life but lets be real)

While the NHL has taken a massive nose dive in the last five years, the video games have been among the best out there. The beautiful thing about NHL video games is that don’t have to be a hockey fan at all, just skate in the right direction and push the right buttons.

Always popular with the “business d-bag on the go”. Give him this and tell him to only use it at his desk or in his car.

Gifts under $100 (How this gift goes over will affect you home life or career)

Guys that don’t own an NFL jersey, well, you gotta wonder about them just a little bit. And why not get “Purple Jesus’” Jersey for christmas, it’s only right.

I reluctantly have grown to love this game. It is great on its own, but if you get a few… err.. “Pepsi’s” in you, it can become a religious experience.

Gifts under $200 (They better appreciate this that ungrateful little piece.. )

GPS is an amazing tool that very few people use. This is most likely going to be the big gift item of the year as the prices are now reasonable. This set is from the very easy to use TomTom company and includes lots of must have accessories.

Gifts under $400 (make it rain)

Not only a video game console, but can be used to stream HD content to another room from your computer.

This Linux based computer is great for someone who just wants a basic web browser and word processor that is ultra mobile.

There it is, my first holiday gift guide. Best of luck!

Till next time I find myself on amazon,

Samuel

As I sit here, gazing out my window watching the first snow fall of the year and sipping hot cocoa, I’m reminded of what the holidays are really about: trying to get good gifts while not sounding like a d-bag for asking for them. Material things make the world go ’round and what better time to show you a few of my favorites for this holiday season. (Full disclosure, I do receive a portion of the sale if you click on the links below and make a purchase. This wasn’t my motivation for this post but I figured why not? If you like what you see so far from this blog support us! Thanks!)

DISABLE ADBLOCKERS TO SEE PICTURES BELOW 

Gifts under $25 (When a card would make you look like a cheapskate)

You really can’t go wrong with a book because it is like telling the recipient “I think you are intelligent enough that you may read on a regular basis… here is this large book I am confident you will finish”. Now, since that is probably expecting a lot from most relatives, giving them a book like Stephen Colbert’s latest release is a good call. Hilarious and to the point, Uncle Cletus might actually find a use for it other than a door stop.

I received a wallet a few years back and sort of shrugged but it was a surprisingly great gift. Unless the guy you are shopping for has a tried and true wallet he won’t let go, this is a perfect choice.

Gifts under $60 (A significant person in your life but lets be real)

While the NHL has taken a massive nose dive in the last five years, the video games have been among the best out there. The beautiful thing about NHL video games is that don’t have to be a hockey fan at all, just skate in the right direction and push the right buttons.

Always popular with the “business d-bag on the go”. Give him this and tell him to only use it at his desk or in his car.

Gifts under $100 (How this gift goes over will affect you home life or career)

Guys that don’t own an NFL jersey, well, you gotta wonder about them just a little bit. And why not get “Purple Jesus’” Jersey for christmas, it’s only right.

I reluctantly have grown to love this game. It is great on its own, but if you get a few… err.. “Pepsi’s” in you, it can become a religious experience.

Gifts under $200 (They better appreciate this that ungrateful little piece.. )

GPS is an amazing tool that very few people use. This is most likely going to be the big gift item of the year as the prices are now reasonable. This set is from the very easy to use TomTom company and includes lots of must have accessories.

Gifts under $400 (make it rain)

Not only a video game console, but can be used to stream HD content to another room from your computer.

This Linux based computer is great for someone who just wants a basic web browser and word processor that is ultra mobile.

There it is, my first holiday gift guide. Best of luck!

Till next time I find myself on amazon,

Samuel

We have seen it time and time again: Star athlete retires from his or her respective sport, and since they are compulsive competitors, they need to get back into the sport in a capacity that doesn’t require their broken bodies. No one can fault them for this, betting $25,000 a hand in Vegas and berating your children with unrealistic expectations isn’t enough for your average gas station attendant, much less a former pro athlete.

While we have seen this scenario play out numerous times (Magic Johnson,Larry Bird, 2010 Reggie Miller, 2012 Micheal Jordan), we haven’t seen anything close to what Kevin McHale and Isiah Thomas have so umm… effectively demonstrated?

In Mchale’s time in Minnesota, he wasted much of the career one of the top 5 power forwards of all time, he fired two well respected coaches in an effort to pass the buck, and ruined the team’s future by having draft picks taken away in a botched contract agreement. In fact, the only thing more hideous than the teams McHale has put on the court over the past 12 years are the sweaters he wore while doing it.

Thomas, has also managed to destroy his team’s roster in his position as a general manager (although, in all fairness, who thought having 13 guards on a roster would be a bad idea?). But, in a clear effort to trump McHale, he also landed his franchise in the middle of a sexual harassment and wrongful termination case that will cost owner James Dolan 11.6 million dollars. He has also made blatantly racist remarks aimed at whites (my sunburned race has taken too much!).

So what makes these two special individuals so bad at their jobs? The same reason they were so good at their former jobs, arrogance. They were confident they were the best and would always be the best choice to take the last shot. Unfortunately, that bravado tends lead to tunnel vision. This may be why Thomas hasn’t listened to those around him when making deals and didn’t listen to his team when making the decision to start Stephon Marbury after his outburst this past week, even after his team voted for Marbury not to start.

This is a common stumbling block for any leader, whether it is the President (cough cough last seven years), or just the manager of an Unnamed Large Electronics Retailer location (cough cough everyone I work with).

So, in a few years when all of you NBA GMs out there start blowing up Reggie Miller’s phone, think about the aforementioned individuals, then call Mark Madsen.

Till next time I watch a Timberwolves game,

Samuel

We have seen it time and time again: Star athlete retires from his or her respective sport, and since they are compulsive competitors, they need to get back into the sport in a capacity that doesn’t require their broken bodies. No one can fault them for this, betting $25,000 a hand in Vegas and berating your children with unrealistic expectations isn’t enough for your average gas station attendant, much less a former pro athlete.

While we have seen this scenario play out numerous times (Magic Johnson,Larry Bird, 2010 Reggie Miller, 2012 Micheal Jordan), we haven’t seen anything close to what Kevin McHale and Isiah Thomas have so umm… effectively demonstrated?

In Mchale’s time in Minnesota, he wasted much of the career one of the top 5 power forwards of all time, he fired two well respected coaches in an effort to pass the buck, and ruined the team’s future by having draft picks taken away in a botched contract agreement. In fact, the only thing more hideous than the teams McHale has put on the court over the past 12 years are the sweaters he wore while doing it.

Thomas, has also managed to destroy his team’s roster in his position as a general manager (although, in all fairness, who thought having 13 guards on a roster would be a bad idea?). But, in a clear effort to trump McHale, he also landed his franchise in the middle of a sexual harassment and wrongful termination case that will cost owner James Dolan 11.6 million dollars. He has also made blatantly racist remarks aimed at whites (my sunburned race has taken too much!).

So what makes these two special individuals so bad at their jobs? The same reason they were so good at their former jobs, arrogance. They were confident they were the best and would always be the best choice to take the last shot. Unfortunately, that bravado tends lead to tunnel vision. This may be why Thomas hasn’t listened to those around him when making deals and didn’t listen to his team when making the decision to start Stephon Marbury after his outburst this past week, even after his team voted for Marbury not to start.

This is a common stumbling block for any leader, whether it is the President (cough cough last seven years), or just the manager of an Unnamed Large Electronics Retailer location (cough cough everyone I work with).

So, in a few years when all of you NBA GMs out there start blowing up Reggie Miller’s phone, think about the aforementioned individuals, then call Mark Madsen.

Till next time I watch a Timberwolves game,

Samuel

Everyone has their vice..

And mine is gadgets. Tony Montana had piles of blow, and I have radiation emitting screens.

And truly, that is the perfect comparison. There is nothing like tearing the plastic wrapping from a package and scrambling for an AC adapter, and bracing for the moment that those blue LEDs light up and the magic happens. The adrenaline rushes through my veins like heroine through a Hollywood twenty-something.

If you aren’t like me, if you have never experienced this feeling, I can’t help you to understand. So, for all of you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the frequent geeky and gadget related references that will inevitably use. But, I have a proposition. I will hold your hand and you might learn a little bit, and it won’t be boring! I promise!

But those post will come later. But I wanna let all of you into my life, a wee bit. I work for an Unnamed Large Electronic Retailer (or the ULER). I’m a life long retailer, and proud of this stigma.

I am also a rabid sports fan. Specifically, Minnesota, errr…. Minnesota sports. It is a sad time for all of our teams and it shows in the giant bags under my eyes. I spent three hours the other day looking up stats on our AA minor league team and praying for their closer to make strides this next season. I’m not kidding.

And… theres my life. Oh, I’m a college student. So, I’m doing that, but being a 50 year old in a 19 year old’s body, its a bit juvenile for my taste.

Ok, I promise this is my last “getting to know my narsisistic ass” post. Really!

Till next time,

Samuel

Everyone has their vice..

And mine is gadgets. Tony Montana had piles of blow, and I have radiation emitting screens.

And truly, that is the perfect comparison. There is nothing like tearing the plastic wrapping from a package and scrambling for an AC adapter, and bracing for the moment that those blue LEDs light up and the magic happens. The adrenaline rushes through my veins like heroine through a Hollywood twenty-something.

If you aren’t like me, if you have never experienced this feeling, I can’t help you to understand. So, for all of you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the frequent geeky and gadget related references that will inevitably use. But, I have a proposition. I will hold your hand and you might learn a little bit, and it won’t be boring! I promise!

But those post will come later. But I wanna let all of you into my life, a wee bit. I work for an Unnamed Large Electronic Retailer (or the ULER). I’m a life long retailer, and proud of this stigma.

I am also a rabid sports fan. Specifically, Minnesota, errr…. Minnesota sports. It is a sad time for all of our teams and it shows in the giant bags under my eyes. I spent three hours the other day looking up stats on our AA minor league team and praying for their closer to make strides this next season. I’m not kidding.

And… theres my life. Oh, I’m a college student. So, I’m doing that, but being a 50 year old in a 19 year old’s body, its a bit juvenile for my taste.

Ok, I promise this is my last “getting to know my narsisistic ass” post. Really!

Till next time,

Samuel

I’m going to tip toe my way through this. I feel that the first post on every blog says a lot. Not just about the future of the blog but the person writing it. I often go into the archives of blogs I come across and read the first post before anything else. 98% of the time, you can categorize the vibe of the first post (and the TRUE vibe of every subsequent post) into one or more of the following categories: tries too hard to be clever, doesn’t try hard enough to be interesting, or my personal favorite, “this blog is going to make a social impact so great I will someday be on The Today Show telling them about this very moment!”.

So, I will tip toe. Don’t expect a “top ten ways to save the earth and get six pack abs” post, and don’t expect me to create a glossary for all the great inside jokes I invented for my readers (thats right Bill Simmons, take you 20 million hits a day and shove it). But, you CAN expect me to use this as an outlet for my take on whats going on in my world and our world.

I didn’t start this for recognition, money, or to get my voice out. In fact, it was mostly that I wanted to start journaling but all of my notebooks were dedicated to my math class (you already made the powerpoint, put it online. save a tree…).

Oh by the way, its not about sports! I just decided on that name because I always wanted to be an athlete, but things got in the way. We’ll talk about that later…

So, there you go. The first post. Read on, trust me, you will like it. And I have candy…. just come closer to the car… (oh, that has personal significance too, ill get into that later as well)

Till next time I gotta drain the dome,

Samuel

I’m going to tip toe my way through this. I feel that the first post on every blog says a lot. Not just about the future of the blog but the person writing it. I often go into the archives of blogs I come across and read the first post before anything else. 98% of the time, you can categorize the vibe of the first post (and the TRUE vibe of every subsequent post) into one or more of the following categories: tries too hard to be clever, doesn’t try hard enough to be interesting, or my personal favorite, “this blog is going to make a social impact so great I will someday be on The Today Show telling them about this very moment!”.

So, I will tip toe. Don’t expect a “top ten ways to save the earth and get six pack abs” post, and don’t expect me to create a glossary for all the great inside jokes I invented for my readers (thats right Bill Simmons, take you 20 million hits a day and shove it). But, you CAN expect me to use this as an outlet for my take on whats going on in my world and our world.

I didn’t start this for recognition, money, or to get my voice out. In fact, it was mostly that I wanted to start journaling but all of my notebooks were dedicated to my math class (you already made the powerpoint, put it online. save a tree…).

Oh by the way, its not about sports! I just decided on that name because I always wanted to be an athlete, but things got in the way. We’ll talk about that later…

So, there you go. The first post. Read on, trust me, you will like it. And I have candy…. just come closer to the car… (oh, that has personal significance too, ill get into that later as well)

Till next time I gotta drain the dome,

Samuel