The Sports Wannabe

I realize you have already been asked this question. A lot. And before you send me an email explaining why you believe your candidate of choice is the second coming of Regan, let me explain two things. First, I do not care. I was 6 months old when Regan left office. I know about his policies, politics and personality. But, attempting to remind me of the good old days when Regan was in office will be telling me “Elect Mitt Romney and he will privatize craping yourself”. Secondly, while I’m sure you think you are “engaging in democracy”, the odds that some psuedo-patriotic dumb ass wearing an American flag t-shirt from Wal-Mart will show me the light are pretty slim.

So, who am I supporting, you ask? I have watched most of the debates, taken the online tests to see who I am most in line with, and read through each candidate’s economic plan (oh wait, none of them actually have one). After mulling it over, I came to one conclusion: It is so ass backwards that we vote for a candidate and not on issues I will refuse to support anyone in this election.

I have heard more about Obama’s race, Clinton’s “crying episode”, Romney’s religion, Guiliani’s bad day September 11th, and Edward’s Father than I ever cared to know. I have no problem knowing about the person I am voting for, but I care more about what they believe in politically. How many people in your office have told you who the will be voting for, but give no explanation beyond a name? They can’t elaborate because they have no idea why they tattooed a comb with “Edwards” across the handle on their ass, except that some talking head told them to.

Lets even look at this on a larger scale. How many people (especially the under 23 crowd) will scream they political affiliation from the rooftops but couldn’t explain there stance on tax reform other than “They are the minus numbers on my paycheck right?”.

So, when I am asked who I support in this election, I will respond with this: “I plan to vote for the letter “X”, because I feel it is grossly underused. Out of curiosity, what part of (insert name of cardboard cutout here)’s economic stimulus plan are you most optimistic about?” . Then I will prepare for “we will.. at the end of the day… get more.. money?”.

Just nod yes, and pat them on the head.

Till next time I speak to someone,

Samuel